Cleaning out my closets. Cleaning out my life.

I'm cleaning out my closets. Not because I want to, but because I have to. You see, I'm getting a roommate for the first time since I was in my twenties.

I don't want to do this. I love my privacy. I love my freedom. My home has always been the place that I can come to, shut the door and get away from it all. But now, that is all changing. It has become a necessity in these challenging economic times.

I am fortunate that I know the person and would entrust them with the safekeeping of my possessions as well as feeling personally secure. But in trying to come to terms with this and prepare myself mentally, it does not change the fact that I am giving up half my house (which is very small to begin with), sharing a bathroom that is already too small for me and trying to adjust to someone else's lifestyle that I already know does not really match mine.

He stays up late. I go to bed early. He is always on his phone. I rarely am. I like quiet and solitude. He likes action and lots of people. I'm an introvert. He's and extrovert.


And then there are my cats. My blessed little creatures that I would turn myself inside out for. Spoiled rotten to the core. One, Miss Lily, will be fine. She's a sassy little girl that will adjust in time. She enjoys the outdoors and will be outside frequently, so this will not effect her too much. One down.

Then there is Sydney. The most sensitive cat God ever put on this earth. He is afraid of his own shadow. He runs when I walk too hard across my wood floors or get ice from the fridge door. In the 11 years we have been together, there are only two other people that have ever SEEN him and that is because I dragged him out from under the bed to prove that I had another cat! Poor Sydney. He needed psychiatric help before, but this will make him catatonic (pardon the pun). He may never come out from under the bed again. Maybe I will join him!


There will be no more walking around my house naked. No more playing my music until whatever hour I feel like it. There is no more talking to myself without someone saying "what'd you say?" Oh, I'm not talking to you...I'm just...never mind.


Today I cleaned out my spare bedroom closet. Gone are all the books that I stored, waiting for a day that I would open their dusty covers and revel in the pleasure that they once gave me. Gone too are all my past career awards that I had hung so proudly on my closet wall from a time that the world was still young and fresh and I had so much yet to achieve. Put away in the attic are all my treasured photo's of bygone memories. Gone to Goodwill are the clothes that I kept tucked away in plastic, waiting for the day for the the return of the ball gowns and long dresses that I used to wear out often, in what seems like another lifetime.


Those glory days are behind me now and they need to be put to rest. Finally.


I recall a statement that Elizabeth Edwards, wife of the now semi-disgraced political figure John Edwards said when she was asked recently how she copes with all the challenges she is facing. She said "this is my new reality. I don't look at the past. I don't look at what was. I get up every morning and say this is what it is today and I move forward."

While in Sarasota this past weekend visiting friends and family, I told my Father of this new adventure that I was semi-unwillingly embarking upon. He recalled back in the 1930's and 40's when he was growing up that my Grandmother "rented rooms" (that's what it was called back then when a family decided the income was necessary). The guests were single gentlemen that were mature to moving into the twilight years that would rent a room, share a bathroom with other family members and sometimes ate with the family or had meals provided by my Grandmother as part of their rent. My Father does not have fond memories of this time as he and my Aunt, his sister, were relegated to sleeping on the back porch for many many years while the renter got their room. I could still feel the resentment from my Father for having to sleep on a porch while growing up. He doesn't think that my new living arrangements will work for long and he might be right. But lots of people are making choices today that they may not have seen themselves needing to make not that long ago.

So, there is a new reality. My life is changing in colors and patterns that I didn't predict right now. It's all been coming like a slow moving train that you have heard the warning whistle blowing in the distance for some time now but weren't sure how far away it actually was until it started getting louder and you knew its arrival was imminent.

And I will do my best to adjust. And I will try not to look back. And it will take some work to do that. One thing we can all count on in life is change. It's at the very least what keeps us from getting bored. I'm not bored.

And for those glory days? I hope they'll be back. They will simply be in a much different package than before and I may need to look a little harder right now.



I'm just passing by...