A small piece of heaven

When you travel, have you noticed that there are places with these energies that seem to pull you towards them?

I have been in many cities throughout my travels and there are some places that, almost from the minute you arrive, you can tell if this is a positive energy place for you or a negative energy place. When I was looking to move within Florida almost 18 years ago, I decided to drive the great state from coast to coast and tip to tip. I traveled along every coast, beach, inland, cities and rural areas. But when I drove through Orlando, it seemed to capture me. I didn't even get out of my car. I was driving down I-4 and I said "this is it." Not three months later, I had secured a position here and was in my new apartment. I fell in love. I don't know why (do we ever know why?)

I have had a few experiences like that since then. Vancouver was one such place. Switzerland. Colorado Springs. Chicago. I'm sure that I have not traveled all the places that I think will give me that high. But some places just seem to "fit."

Recently, I had the chance to travel to San Diego for work. I had been there maybe all of 15 minutes. Had not even left the airport for my hotel yet, but I felt it. I felt found as if I had been lost. It's a feeling that sometimes you can't explain. It felt like a soothing vibration, like the purr of a cat against your chest. The smell, the air and the weather! The weather!

When you live most of the year in intense humidity and you step into this God created near perfect climate, you just can't believe it. Not only is it blessed to be surrounded by mountains, but this gorgeous California sea coast. All wrapped together under this blue umbrella of a sky.

From my hotel room near the convention center, I overlooked an inlet where majestic sailboats drifted by, with the sun shining so bright that it looked like diamonds dancing on the surface of the water. I was transfixed as if in a hypnotic state.

When I snapped out of it I said to myself "no wonder it cost a small fortune to live here." Draining lifeblood out of my body.

I know that I've had a bit of wanderlust lately. That's what happens when you want to escape present situations. You get to fantasize about something, somewhere, someone else.

I got to do a lot of that in San Diego, on all levels. The outcomes were mixed and surprising. It never ceases to amaze me just how much more that I need to learn. But as they say, life is a journey, not a destination. I wonder why then we are always seeking a place to arrive?

I only know that while there, I glowed. Glowed. It felt good to glow.

Because I was there for work, I did not have time to explore much of the surrounding areas. La Jolla, Carlsbad, Del Mar, the beaches and the like. I wanted to go to the zoo and a Padres game.

Walk on a beach. See the Sea Lions. Go to Coronado Island and Mission Bay. But alas, this will need to wait for another time.

I was so jazzed that I even started looking for jobs out there, exploring the cost of living and how I could possibly move across the country on a whim. Something that I have not done in a very long time. Those whims.

But (you knew that was coming), I have a home here and responsibilities. Oh to be carefree to the point of not having the ties that bind. To slip the bonds of restraints and fly away. To experience newness and a fresh perspective. To not look back.

Will I ever live there? Who knows? I certainly have life experiences here that I must complete before I could seriously entertain the thought. I just know it's on my list.

I'm just passing by...

To tell the truth

I've started to write this one before, but have erased, turned off my computer and said "I guess I'm not ready to write that yet."

However, a Friday night cocktail of cranberry and vodka have sort of loosened up my mind and fingers for the keyboard.

I was speaking with a friend last night and I told him that when I started this blog, it was originally to just put my own thoughts on computer for my own personal diary. I mean, I'm really late getting into this blogging game. Now everyone twitters and tweets. And I'm just coming into the virtues of a personal blog for posterity. I told him that I was in this quandary of wanting to write about much going on in my life, for me, but that I now hesitated "putting it all out there" for the world to see as now I know a few friends that read this.

Because I have always been an intensely private person, it is difficult for me to think that others will be reading my true personal adventures in life. I've always been very good at masking any challenges I may be facing and putting a positive spin on everything. Hell, it's easy to read about the fun, funny and great stuff we're all doing, but that is not necessarily what draws me to write from my soul. But really, if this is for me, I am only fooling myself in the long run. So, there are a few people who may go "you're kidding" when they read it. But I have gained some wisdom in my climbing years. Enough to know that everyone has those corners that they would choose not to share for fear of judgement. And by God, I've been judged by the best. So what fear should I have now?

So here I am. Debating on how "naked" to be!

Why don't I just unbutton a few buttons on this one?

If you read my last blog "Cleaning out my closets. Cleaning out my life," you'll see that I am getting a roommate. Let's put that in the "was" category for now. You see, this particular "friend" decided to bail on me. This is after I had already re-worked the budget, cleaned out an entire closet, moved all of my clothes into one closet (OMG, the work that took), got boxes and stored what I could in the attic, took other things to relatives to store, painted the closet and re-did the floors.

Was I angry? You bet! Am I over it? Almost. I have learned a few great thing as I grow in wisdom.

There is NO point stewing over things you have absolutely no control of and having any control over people is not an option. To continue to let it fester and be angry only continues to hurt ME, not him. So goodbye.

So I begin again the "journey" of seeking someone else. Yesterday, I went on Craigslist and I won't even try to explain what I found. I'm certain there are some very honorable people there, but the thought of bringing someone into my house that I don't know is, well, frightening!

After sifting through tons of people looking for a roommate, I found one that seemed as if it could be a viable option. She said she traveled a lot, was only home 5 to 7 days out of the month, had a cat and really just needed some place to store her stuff. Bingo! Someone hardly ever here works for both me and my needy and sensitive cats that don't like to share!

I emailed her. She emailed me back. She sounded reasonable until I got to the part where she really just wanted a room to store her stuff and would keep the cat locked in the room with plenty of food and water while she was gone a week at a time. WHAT? You can't be serious?? No, your cat is not an object to be stored in a room. I told her that I really could not leave her cat locked in a bedroom. That I would want to integrate the cat into my household somehow and while she was gone, she could consider me her "pet sitter." Never heard back from her. All I can say is "poor cat, if I could find you I would rescue you."

So this is one new challenge. Want more? Well I don't, but I am dealing anyway!

Because my profession in the meetings industry has tanked in a significant way, I have been reaching out to other opportunities to keep me going until, well until...

One was in May. I spent a month grading FCAT papers. It wasn't that bad, but if I didn't think the school system was f-uped before, I really know it is now.

So after a few weeks of pondering the options, I am now gainfully employed as an independent
contractor in the "at home, in-bound call center business." Whooo hooo! A friend of mine told me about it and I thought, what the heck! I can do this from my home, work in my pajamas,
make any funny faces I want at callers and take a pee while answering their questions. I have a few regular hours that I need to be on calls, but other than that, I decide whatever hours I want to work. I can still travel for work if I want and come in and out pretty much as I please. Plus, I get to be home with my cats, not fight traffic and don't have to figure out what to wear every day. Which used to be significant part of my time every morning.

Mind you, there are consequences to all of this freedom. It does not pay well. But I am not one that can sit around and do nothing. I have to be busy and I strongly prefer to be busy making money if I am not out having fun somewhere else!

So just call me "Operator 99."

More? I have a million of them. But the vodka has started to make me type a little slower and I am not one known for a huge amount of patience.

So here's to another step in a rare blog. Medium rare. Not quiet tar-tar yet.


I promised a friend of mine when I started this blog that it would be funny. So far, I have not lived up to my promise! But Jersey Girl, just keep reading. I'll find something, somewhere soon!

I'm just passing by...

Cleaning out my closets. Cleaning out my life.

I'm cleaning out my closets. Not because I want to, but because I have to. You see, I'm getting a roommate for the first time since I was in my twenties.

I don't want to do this. I love my privacy. I love my freedom. My home has always been the place that I can come to, shut the door and get away from it all. But now, that is all changing. It has become a necessity in these challenging economic times.

I am fortunate that I know the person and would entrust them with the safekeeping of my possessions as well as feeling personally secure. But in trying to come to terms with this and prepare myself mentally, it does not change the fact that I am giving up half my house (which is very small to begin with), sharing a bathroom that is already too small for me and trying to adjust to someone else's lifestyle that I already know does not really match mine.

He stays up late. I go to bed early. He is always on his phone. I rarely am. I like quiet and solitude. He likes action and lots of people. I'm an introvert. He's and extrovert.


And then there are my cats. My blessed little creatures that I would turn myself inside out for. Spoiled rotten to the core. One, Miss Lily, will be fine. She's a sassy little girl that will adjust in time. She enjoys the outdoors and will be outside frequently, so this will not effect her too much. One down.

Then there is Sydney. The most sensitive cat God ever put on this earth. He is afraid of his own shadow. He runs when I walk too hard across my wood floors or get ice from the fridge door. In the 11 years we have been together, there are only two other people that have ever SEEN him and that is because I dragged him out from under the bed to prove that I had another cat! Poor Sydney. He needed psychiatric help before, but this will make him catatonic (pardon the pun). He may never come out from under the bed again. Maybe I will join him!


There will be no more walking around my house naked. No more playing my music until whatever hour I feel like it. There is no more talking to myself without someone saying "what'd you say?" Oh, I'm not talking to you...I'm just...never mind.


Today I cleaned out my spare bedroom closet. Gone are all the books that I stored, waiting for a day that I would open their dusty covers and revel in the pleasure that they once gave me. Gone too are all my past career awards that I had hung so proudly on my closet wall from a time that the world was still young and fresh and I had so much yet to achieve. Put away in the attic are all my treasured photo's of bygone memories. Gone to Goodwill are the clothes that I kept tucked away in plastic, waiting for the day for the the return of the ball gowns and long dresses that I used to wear out often, in what seems like another lifetime.


Those glory days are behind me now and they need to be put to rest. Finally.


I recall a statement that Elizabeth Edwards, wife of the now semi-disgraced political figure John Edwards said when she was asked recently how she copes with all the challenges she is facing. She said "this is my new reality. I don't look at the past. I don't look at what was. I get up every morning and say this is what it is today and I move forward."

While in Sarasota this past weekend visiting friends and family, I told my Father of this new adventure that I was semi-unwillingly embarking upon. He recalled back in the 1930's and 40's when he was growing up that my Grandmother "rented rooms" (that's what it was called back then when a family decided the income was necessary). The guests were single gentlemen that were mature to moving into the twilight years that would rent a room, share a bathroom with other family members and sometimes ate with the family or had meals provided by my Grandmother as part of their rent. My Father does not have fond memories of this time as he and my Aunt, his sister, were relegated to sleeping on the back porch for many many years while the renter got their room. I could still feel the resentment from my Father for having to sleep on a porch while growing up. He doesn't think that my new living arrangements will work for long and he might be right. But lots of people are making choices today that they may not have seen themselves needing to make not that long ago.

So, there is a new reality. My life is changing in colors and patterns that I didn't predict right now. It's all been coming like a slow moving train that you have heard the warning whistle blowing in the distance for some time now but weren't sure how far away it actually was until it started getting louder and you knew its arrival was imminent.

And I will do my best to adjust. And I will try not to look back. And it will take some work to do that. One thing we can all count on in life is change. It's at the very least what keeps us from getting bored. I'm not bored.

And for those glory days? I hope they'll be back. They will simply be in a much different package than before and I may need to look a little harder right now.



I'm just passing by...

Merlin's Magic

I rarely, if ever, get sucked into TV shows. The last one I can recall was 24. So complete in its action-packed, thrill seeking non-reality, that it took me away for awhile to a place of intense excitement and adventure.

Recently however, I have become once again enchanted. The show is "Merlin."

"Merlin" is a new drama series that brings to life the mystical and infamous sorcerer of Camelot legend. In this series, Merlin is a young man that is just coming to terms with how to harness his magical powers. Our current King is Uther (King Arthur's Father). So the story weaves its own magic by playing on the events prior to King Arthur and the Knights of the Round table. It's a set-up, if you will, to how the story most know best began. The show is an exciting fantasy series set in the mythic city of Camelot. Before Merlin and Arthur became legends, they were young men looking for adventure and finding their own destiny, making mistakes along the way.

I found the series while channel surfing one evening and there on my screen was an actor that I long admired. Anthony Head of former "Buffy the Vampire" fame. My interest peaked, I stayed with it long enough to do more than press the up channel button.

Apparently, the show is filmed at a 12th century castle in France. The cinematography is

inspiring and you truly feel pulled into the days when true legends existed. Even if only by make believe.

The rest of the cast seem to fit very comfortably into their somewhat Gothic roles. Particularly the actor cast as Prince Arthur: handsome, smart, brooding. Just my type.

So, I became hooked. Excitedly looking forward to a Sunday night for the first time since "The Ed Sullivan Show." As I watch each episode, I ponder the all important questions such as "how the hell did people live like that? Where's my flat-iron and down comforter?" And since the story takes place in England, it rains alot. So that means mud everywhere. And that means really dirty looking peasants in every scene. Yikes. And you can forget about having clean underwear every day. Maybe once a week, if you're lucky. And that's only if you are of nobility.

As the series unfolds, Merlin continues to be challenged and struggles to find the best uses of his magical power. It's like owning a Ferrari and not knowing how to drive. He makes many mistakes. He doesn't listen to those he seeks advice from. He wants to use his power for good,

but sometimes that good requires enormous sacrifices to be made. Because the Universal law in Arthur's time says that there must be a balance. One person lives, so another must die. One saves a soul sending another to perish for eternity. Make your choice.

However, the Universal Law of Attraction that I study says there is no balance that must be had. We are all magicians of our own lives. Everyone has the ability to create and nurture their journey here. All it takes is a gentle guiding of our thoughts to what we want. And then allowing (or being open) to receiving our intentions.

I am but a humble student of this philosophy and I imagine that I will continue to be until I take my last breath.

So unlike the mythical days of Camelot, where sorcerers were hunted down and put to death, we are all embodied with "magical powers" to create our own life outcomes. I must confess that my own journey to this magical well has been filled with ups and downs as I strive to train my mind to allow. Thinking about what you want is the easy part. The Art of Allowing is truly a practiced gift to yourself. And when you know you are thinking thoughts that will keep you from your chosen destiny, it is easy to be frustrated.

Like Merlin, I continue to make mistakes along the way but know in time that I will indeed harness my natural gifts. I just have to keep trying.

And in the meantime, I will continue to watch "Merlin" to see if I can pick up on any of his magic

secrets.

I'm just passing by...