You'd Better Love Somebody

I have a friend that is the General Manager of a hotel. He is a great friend and I love him dearly. On an occasional Friday night, he invites me over to the hotel to buy me a drink at the bar and we catch up. As we were chatting, he hit me with a line out of the blue.

He said "Karen, you'd better find somebody." He was referring to a partner or at least someone steady. Ouch. That one hurt. Of course, things usually only hurt when there is a shade of truth to them in your heart and mind. He said "You don't want to be alone as you grow older. People need people and you have so much to give."

He left me to contemplate his words for a few moments as he attended to hotel business. As you can imagine, I wasn't feeling my best as the words punched in my head like a prizefighter. I was stewing over my thoughts and gazing deeply into my now empty cocktail when I heard the words "Is this seat taken?"

I looked up to see this very attractive twenty something and said "No, please have a seat." He was in town on business from Dallas and was by himself. He told me about his job, always on the road and I understood that he wanted someone to talk to. To not be alone one night of the many that I'm certain he is.

Over the last couple of years, I have noticed this very strange phenomenon taking place. It seems the older I get, the younger the man I seem to attract. The funny thing is, I don't believe I could have attracted these men when I was their age. But now, "poof." Some mystical magic wand has appeared from nowhere and there they are. I often have twenty and young thirty somethings handing me their card and saying "call me." Seriously? I always look at them in
stunned silence.

But I was enjoying his company and later we wandered down to a quaint area called Thornton Park. I wanted to show him some places to go when he came back in town. I found a place where I know the younger locals hang out and we quickly found a great seat outside overlooking the sidewalk where the Friday night "show" was taking place. I kept pointing out these beautiful women, much closer to his age. Encouraging him "why don't you go over and introduce yourself to them?" (I saw myself as the wing man). He finally said "why would I be interested in them when I have YOU sitting here?" Talk about a well-timed ego boost. Or, it could have simply been a great line. I really didn't care at that moment.

I most certainly do not consider myself what today many laughingly call "cougars." There is even a TV show called "Cougartown" that was filmed in the city I grew up in! Like it's some wild beast that isn't tame. Or needs to be tamed. Or wants to be tamed? I shiver at the sound of it. I liken it to when you see an older man with some much younger woman. You just wince at the sight of it.

But I think I have figured out why these men are being attracted into my Universe. A) because there really are not that many men my age that are available, so it leaves a gene pool a bit younger than I am comfortable with. And because many men my age want women much younger than me. And B) because I am relaxed about who I am. Here it is baby. Take it or leave it. I have EARNED, quite well thank you, every tiny little wrinkle on my face. And that kind of feeling vibrates way outside the box. I like the way I look. I love people. I try my best to judge no one. And I am completely open to life's possibilities and the adventure's it can bring. That must be radiating something out there.

But I don't want to be Madonna (who is currently dating a 22 year old) or even Demi Moore. Well, I take that back. Maybe Demi Moore.

As I get older, I see my parents. Their love has changed alot over the years. It was a tough beginning. They never had what I would call a classic love-but they stuck with it. They worked through it. They went through some very rough times when they were in their 40's keeping the marriage together. Quite frankly, I was surprised they stayed together. But there were not many duel incomes back then so it was not as easy or practical to walk away. They had to work it out.

Now they are each other's companions and depend on each other for most everything. I have watched my Father evolve from a fairly non-emotional person, to this more caring and gentle soul. My Mom still takes pride in cooking for my Dad every night. She cares for him and he is always by her side when she falls ill. And I think "who will be there for me?"

But I simply won't turn now into a huntress so I can feel some security as I get older. I'm still looking for the deep passion down to my toes. The kind that when I hear his voice, it makes me tingle. I'm not looking for Mr. Perfect. There is no such thing. But I won't give up my quest for a deep abiding love to settle because now "I am supposed to" or even because "I have to." I've
had the chances before and I still have them now.

I know the fiery passion will wane. I want to be left with my best friend. I want to be there by his side as we both no longer are attracting 20 somethings. It takes work-of that there is no question.

Right now, I have too many other things in my life to attend to and get settled before I can be the whole person that has something to give back. These current challenges distract me and it's too hard to throw in the "mating dance" to my already complicated life. These aren't the normal every day distractions. These are "long-term" changing choices. Give me a year to pull it back together and adjust to all the things I must that are coming at me like a roaring freight train.

But for now, when that younger man smiles at me-I'll just smile back and take it as a compliment. Because the day will soon come when I wish he still did.


I'm just passing by...