Today, tomorrow and forever

So I recently had this experience and it, at the very least, taught me something. It taught me that I need to write again. Outloud, with all my heart. Why? Because it's good for me. It soothes my soul. It makes me feel. It gives me a release. It connects me with me.

I've been writing all my life. That's what introverts do. They write. And they write. And they write. Because we have to. Because we need to get it out somehow. Because words are important to us. And maybe we hope that someone will read them and understand. Or say, "me too." Or, "I hear you." Because we all need to be heard in one way or another. And because I have a friend that keeps telling me that I should write. So here it is. Although she wants me to write my "humorous" side. Well, I have that in abundance.

But today, on my first so called "blog," I need to say these things. I gave up on this a while ago, but I am one of the rare people who still writes letters and long emails to people. It's a lost art. Very lost. It says "I truly care about YOU. Not my 256 friends on Facebook only. You are so special to me, that I will take my time to honor you." My Mother still writes letters to me. I will miss that when she is gone. It is part of an age that does not exist anymore. Everything is so fast. Everything is about "me." Everything is about instant gratification and living in my moment. Sometimes it does make me wonder. Do people really and truly care about anyone but themselves? I think some do. I think many don't. And I think that that is a natural state of being. This is not unusual. We live in our own lives. "Wherever you go, there you are." You simply can't escape, well, YOU. So how could you not be involved with "you." Writing this is all about "me."

I think sometimes that I am may be a little different than most. I say that because I do feel others pain. I feel their souls. I feel their hurt. I feel their desires. I want to make it better. Not only for them, but for me. Because the best thing that you can ever do for anyone is to fully love and accept them and try to understand their journey. But I must admit that at times it has taken too much of a toll on me.

My Mother said to me "from the moment you were born, I knew that you were this very sensitive soul and I worried about how you would survive this world." She was right. I have had my challenges. I cry hard. I laugh hard. I play hard. I work hard. I love hard. I do it all with such passion that it sometimes (well often times) takes everything that I have to get back to center. It has its advantages though. It has given me this very strong creative side that has been wonderful for my career. It has helped me form some beautiful and lasting friendships.

I always wondered why some people tended to try to "protect" me. Others, who's purpose may not be as pure, sense my vulnerable side and take advantage of it. Emotional vampires. I have been told to "build up my wall. Don't be hurt again." Well, I guess that is one way to live life. But then look at the deep passion that I would miss. Still, I wonder.... Trading passion for sanity. Hmm. Maybe not so bad. I'm certain there is a balance...and I still strive to find it.

But, it is what it is. That is one of my favorite phrases. It is what it currently is. But does not have to be forever "is." You make the choice.

Today, I am thankful that I learned so much. I am grateful for everything that I have. I am grateful for my journey, bumpy roads and all. I am thankful that I have some amazing friends. True friends. Not social networking only friends. I am grateful that I can truly feel. I am grateful that with age, DOES come wisdom. I just have to keep reminding myself that that is a good thing.

And to my friend who wants me to blog my humorous side, this is for her: stay tuned my friend. Stay tuned.

I'm just passing by...